A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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