im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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