Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
