Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Randomize
