Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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