Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
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