She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
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Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
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I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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