we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
