i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize