There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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