I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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