It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
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