I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
