You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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