I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
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She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
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