i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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