Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
