i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
