I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Randomize
