Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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