Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Little spoons don't ask big questions
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
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Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
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This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
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