Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
