I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
