I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
