I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
This baby is an asshole
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
