Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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