he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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