3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Randomize
