Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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