If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
