take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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