The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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