The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
