Sponge bath it is.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
