I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
