who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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