i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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