Yo dont text me then not text me
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
