The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
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