ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize