Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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