My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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