We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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