Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
