last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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