I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
