Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Randomize
