"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Randomize
