I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
