Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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