this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
someone owes me an orgasm
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
you made out with another girl for some wings
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
