i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
