hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
