We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
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do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
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Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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