Where is the hickey?
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
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the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
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Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
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