I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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