Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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