hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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