whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
40s are totally the cure
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
