I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
if only i could text you this smell
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
