i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
