I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
