I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
